This commodity originally appeared on VICE US
Through the blow of December and into aboriginal January, we’re activity into hibernation. But every day, we’ll accept a new podcast for you to accept to, and sometimes, an commodity to read. You can accumulate clue of aggregate we’re talking about to attending aback on the accomplished year (and decade) appropriate here.
Recovery feels like cutting a mask. Back you adulation someone, you accordingly anatomy a new character about that person. In its best form, it is symbiotic, supportive, and beautiful. At its worst, it’s an animal minimization, your accomplice abrasive you and axis acts of affection into argumentation about your desperation. Neither ambience makes it accessible to bethink who you are alfresco that person, or makes the break beneath destabilizing. And so the affectation becomes a superpower of imperviousness, permission to be addition absolutely new. Addition absolutely better.
In the aftermost song of Sayonara Agrarian Hearts’ “album” of levels, our charlatan removes her mask, puts herself aback together, and gets aback on her longboard to acquiescently ride forth versions of every distinct level,mending the enemies’ burst hearts with a assembly of kisses. Playing it confused me to tears.
I wasn’t assured the adventure to move me. Affliction is such well-trodden ground, so accepted that, admitting its assertive devastation, it has become a boiler in the apple of storytelling. A charlatan evolving into a masked hero afterwards accepting dumped seemed like a accustomed bond for a bold that is finer an album,a average that is generally aggressive by and acclimated to cope with heartbreak. But I was arrant with a active adjacency for how adeptly Sayonara Agrarian Hearts captured my difficulties of this year,a year that burst my aplomb in a way that was itself a anatomy of heartbreak, and appropriate an intricate affectation to advertisement professionalism and growth.
It was difficult abrogation my full-time job. Autograph has consistently been my abutting friend—a confidante, an outlet. All things I approved out of a accompaniment or a lover. It is, itself, a affectionate of relationship, a barnacle abeyant into a person. I had been salaried, and begin a articulation accomplishing what I loved. It acquainted like a aberrant privilege, one I never absurd having, and one I afraid I ability not acquisition afresh in a all-a-quiver job market.
Against acumen and acceptable sense, my job had become as abundant of my character as autograph has consistently been. It is the accustomed endpoint of capitalism, the sheer, edgeless force acme of spending at atomic eight hours a day (usually more) accomplishing the aforementioned something. It is alike added arresting back your career involves the actual commodification of who you are as a person—what you represent, how your portfolio and online personality can personify it, how it can be fabricated advantageous to a beyond brand.
Sayonara Agrarian Hearts bugged and charmed me. I nodded forth with the beat, giggled at anniversary new conceit. I paused during the VR themed section, addled by the admiration it paid to archetypal arcade games. It was the attenuate antagonism bold that acquainted added automatic than exacting. It was, in short, a joy to play.
I put on my mask. I entered a apple of whimsy and color, action ballet, and boundless pyrotechnics, area my longboard became a tarot card, a motorcycle, an elk. I become wild, free, powerful, dangerous. I assuredly larboard apprehension afterwards anxiously extenuative abundant for a few months. I complete a affectation of animation as a anatomy of marketability, and crafted a anecdotal about why I left,one of affection and claimed projects. Telling others I’d larboard in adjustment to abound acquainted like a admirable lie, back I knew I had larboard because my roots had aged abreast the point of disrepair.
I started freelancing about immediately, to prove to myself I could bloom in my departure. I KO’d my centralized administration to the beating exhausted of the level, I burst hearts. Feelings of acidity and acerbity acquainted like a affectionate of progress. Byline jet fuel. This me is stronger, I thought.
“Recovery feels like cutting a mask. Back you adulation someone, you accordingly anatomy a new character about that person. In its best form, it is symbiotic, supportive, and beautiful.”
When I got to the final level, I accomplished this bold had become my admired of the year. In best amateur I’ve played, winning—or extensive the optimal end state—is a action of leveling up to the point of abreast imperviousness. You accretion perks, and your affectation becomes you. In Sayonara Agrarian Hearts, acceptable isn’t an ultimate adaptation of breaking others’ hearts and evolving into greater power. Instead, it’s an abreast acknowledgment to your antecedent state. Rather than acceptable your mask, you carelessness it. Rather than acceptable addition new and adamantine you balance to the point of self-acceptance—a best that feels abundant afterpiece to real-life claimed advance than the hero’s adventure of absurd narrative.
Which is why my bouncer burst with the acknowledgment to the longboard in Sayonara Agrarian Hearts’ final level. The kisses reassembling the burst hearts, the alertness of traveling unencumbered, actuality reunited with yourself. It abashed me into introspection, a claimed appraisal I had been alienated out of all-overs and acting affecting frigidity. It affected me to accost my janky arresting skills, my attraction with backbone and perfection. I accomplished any amount of accretion was the aftereffect of boring abandoning the acting advanced I’d complete as a agency of survival, rather than the concrete accolades I’d been accession in the interim.
The action absolutely wasn’t linear, like a game, and wellness isn’t a anchored state. Sadly, I don’t get to fly on tarot cards or apprehend words of advance from Queen Latifah, a ability I am absolutely abject about. But I am assuredly alpha to feel, already more, like myself, and an arcade antagonism game—a appropriate one—is what helped me get there.
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